Bridport’s great coaching inn has reopened after its makeover. Sam Barker is not impressed

What were they thinking? What crossed their minds when they removed the block-coloured seating and replaced it with triangles? When they dispensed with the comfortable sofas? When they went for the black-tiled-mirror-prefaced-by-floral-array, like a thing you’d find in beauty parlour in 1980s Romford?

I don’t know who the designed the new interior of the Bull Hotel, but it’s hard to commend them. Their vision seems to have been for all that’s ‘posh’, its expression a pastiche of cognitive dissonance. Hence we have the geometric shapes on the chairs alongside the waves on the walls, the Sea Blue seating alongside the Tardis Blue bar, that incongruous tiled mirror, the furniture reminiscent of bamboo and conservatories.

Are we having a wash and set in Essex, a coffee in Dorset or a tea in Tunbridge Wells? Whatever, we’re in a place of deeply disparate visual influences mitigated only by the wooden tables (look down and rest your eyes). Someone who ventured upstairs to the loos reported that it’s even worse up there. “I wouldn’t go in after a few drinks,” she said. “I think I’d pass out.”